Community

I’ve probably talked about this in some manner or another, but I’m gonna have at it again. I’ve never been very good at making myself part of a community – I’m a loner by default. But after spending my year in London in a writing program that encouraged creating a community with your fellow writers, and fellow writers that actually followed through on this, I find myself feeling very cut off here in Northern Arizona. I don’t have friends here – aside from my co-worker. She’s an awesome friend and we get along great, but when it comes to me needing a poetry community, it’s not happening with her. Poetry just isn’t get thing – though she did read my poems that got published in Bedford Square 5, even if she didn’t try to discuss them. I appreciated even that much.

These days, not only am I itching for a writing community, but also for a photog community. You know what? I don’t even need a community, a buddy would suit me fine – probably even better. Large social gatherings give me major anxiety. I’ve been following a lot of blogs and twitterings about photography, which has been making me really want to progress in my photo taking skills. I’ve enjoyed photography since I was a kid, and have been slowly increasing my DSLR skills since I got my Pentax K20D in the fall of 2008. I love it, but at times I’m lacking subject matter – I don’t have any friends or family that will let me take their photos for practice, and I haven’t quite gotten over that self-conscious awkwardness I feel when just out and about taking photos. Though I didn’t seem to have this problem as much in London, but the sheer scale of London and population helped to mentally insulate me in a bubble of anonymity.

So here I am, back on old hunting grounds, which makes me feel rather regressive. When I took photos of my coworker/friend’s daughter all of that shyness fell away, because I had a task to focus on. With nothing specific to work towards, I tend to lock myself down with self-consciousness. Which brings me on to my next bit.

I’m going to make some New Year resolutions. This is a practice I generally abhor. I think it too often sets people up for failure, ultimately making them feel shittier about themselves. Especially when people do the whole weight loss resolutions. Some of my (unrefined) goals: be healthier – my goal is to eat better and exercise more. I’m not going to think about weight and size. That isn’t my main concern. Health is. I’m already planning on getting a year gym membership just after the new year. Read/write more poetry. I’ve been rather unproductive in this the past year or so. I’m thinking (but not settled on) a goal of reading one poem a day, and then a few months into that, writing at least a poem a day on top of reading one.

We’ll see how this goes. It might come to nothing with my general aversion to resolutions. But what to do as far as a supportive community goes, I’m just not sure. I’ve tried reaching out to a poet friend in town, but never heard back. Not sure where to go from there. In the meantime I need to start working on getting more poems published and researching topics for a PhD. So many To-Dos!